Showing posts with label history and sticking to it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label history and sticking to it. Show all posts

Monday, December 8, 2025

Intersection of Grief and Orange Circles

The river is one long reflection this morning
But there was a commotion last night,
A white tree and renaissance trumpets
Brought humanity out of its shell and, later,
Onto the rotary foamy drinks in hand 
As a holographic insert sang from 1947
On an Dyna-Voice microphone.

A year ago, things were very different.
My face was made to appear calm,
For I was not yet allowed to live,
Not able yet to see enough of the illusion
That fueled the room, her enduring,
Holding on in that moment to whatever she could
Until there was no more reason to stay.

My memory of it is frozen, in sepia sun
That was always calm, like the oxygen 
Machine whirring. My beating heart
Reaches now, for what is lost,
Or at least what it appears to be, in
Today's sun, more clear but certainly
No less beautiful.

It's served up like a case in one of those
Ghost antiques stores, a touchstone
For your consideration, to take or leave.
Is it worth the price? Is it worth
Taking home to share your space?
Does it, the moment you set eyes on it,
Possess you? If so, when will it let you go?

It catches your eye, only a thing to look at
That will, like most of the world already has,
Disappear when you have seen it
And you know it finally as mnemosyne,
The hallucination reality saps
That there is a past outside of experience
And a future without a choice.

Sunday, October 19, 2025

Museum of Oranges

The veil I reported missing
Has been recovered, in a glass case
As the lace mantilla of one
Dona Ysidera Pico Forster.

It hangs as if the phantoms
That still pull on its threads
Are brand new, with her gloves and fan
Of abalone to circulate the sun.

Her brother owned the land,
What we now call Orange County,
So her hands had to fan as nature,
As the mermaid at times, named California

Though covered in the black lace of grief
The rich must convey, onus hominis albi,
So they won't be seen recognizing
The results of their rapacious play.

Her brother Pio Pico was pleased to unpack her
On the Englishman Forster
As he believed in providential deals, and so few
Like-minded men of substance here to duel.

He had, they said, "a penchant for gambling"
But he also had a private chapel
And a sacrificial rat in applique
On his gold lame chasuble.

There is his snuff-box and manga,
An early photograph of ugly him
And his miserable family
In haunted lace and threadbare bonnets,

The last Governor, resting anxious
On his laurels, premonition in hand
That he was not quite worthy
Of the lordship promised by the land.

His brother-in-law filched the blessed
Blood-stained mission from him at auction
And lived there with his sister
And the ghosts her fan waved off,

Still he trusted him, at blade point, to procure
Grazing grass for his hot-blooded brothers,
Insurgents on the lam, never knowing
He'd already struck a deal with the Americans

To sail poor Pio down the river
To Los Angeles with no title or estate,
Only his knowledge of the wilderness
And where the crossroads meet.

But Forster got his in the end as
They always do, at the sword of one
Don Bernando Yorba, who made his fortune
Trading sea otter pelts as complement to jewels,

And was forced, this Forster, to go to Germany
To petition for emigrants with free cows and parcels
He whose beef fed the California Gold Rush
From his great chain of ill-begotten rancheros.

What was his Dona to do but wave her fan
In her grief mittens and take tea
With the ghosts of the priests
Who took the native hearts and spirits away?

Their hacienda fell into disrepair
As they always do, the fencing
And trespassing broke them. But in truth
Families always take back what was not given.

The whole enchilada went to a guy named O'Brien
Who bought some later farm in a disputed transaction
Lost in turn to an ever-more ruthless
Family machine called Irvine

Who now is barely a sleeve 
In a portfolio that includes the headquarters 
Of the world's largest banks,
For they could be, and so were, pilfered as well.

It's always that way, and it's always these people
Who haunt the displays of whatever ideals
We're supposed to believe, who, yes, subscribed 
With sincerity impeccable to Manifest Destiny

But have very little to show now to precious history
Except how predictable guys can be
When they draw swords for fun at the fair game
Of other people, in this case the Vaqueros,

Who speak with their eyes behind inferior glass
From daguerreotypes of  their enslavement
To a system that defies the wide-open spaces
As they tend their tiny plots with humble serapes.

It's tempting to not look away,
To consider how every road I take today
Was once a river for a land-baron's bluff
To possess paradise because it was still secret

But moonlight-molten oils await me upstairs
As the immigrants came in plein air
To capture what had never before been seen
In post-impressionist strokes of craft

For they believed in artist brushes
To connect the world together,
Whether following the Navajo
Or wandering by chance onto Flores Peak,

Or sharing the iridescence of the seas
With traders as railroad steel rode in
And the rich men drained each other's oil
And the still lifes had oranges to die for

In clear California light, for display
In the most Aesthetic London galleries 
By the McCloskeys, say, partners in illusion,
As if their palettes held a civilized record

Of chrysanthemums and roses, and strange scented
Blossoms that will wilt and die, to those
Who could never know what it's like
Out here, with no obstacles to enlightenment.  

Sunday, September 7, 2025

Rehab for the Winning Martyrs

Captain's white tail becomes the chariot trail
Of the sun god, as a blue afternoon 
Gets its last molten
Gold into the field

So we are Lords
Bringing in the codes
From crow messaging, live oak electrics,
The telepathy that every horse commands.

Much has gotten in the way of what we say,
Too much burning at the stake
To warn the goddesses away from magic
And keep the sky behind bars

With hanged Maggies and barrel-drowned Matildas
Who'd talked about their property rights,
The rage the truth still had at being silenced,
The yoke because someone had to serve.

It put a lot of Yee Haw into us
But now it's go time
To cast off every chastity harness
As the unveiling brings like the sun

An opening to what you can do
With this knowledge, with this freedom, how you
Are allowed now to simply create your own life
By following the breadcrumbs of joy to their end.

Friday, April 25, 2025

Daytrippin' with Balls

The wizard upstairs gives me just what I want
To be wiser, more gun shy,
With one missing fairy.

It's Genocide Remembrance Day,
The day I read about Plutonium Jazz,
When the bass danced with isotopes
Until the geiger-charged crowd 
Caught uranium, like junk, sickness
So it was prohibited, like a Jew, 
Like Jazz in actual fact
In 60 cities in the 20's and 30's
Still the Sun Ra came through
With Nubians of Plutonia in the 50s
After he'd spent his childhood hiding
In an Arkansas Freemason library
And the results are still there
For all with eyes to see.

It's only a day.
I saw an Infinity Bank for the first time
On the same highway I drive daily,
The day the purple eyes of Google first displayed
The rise of the half moon
And a Colossal Squid was finally captured
On film.

It was a day full of intrigue,
When this year's fit girl winked
In front of the Jaguar
The shaman had finally become
As he reinforced the six-month moratorium
With strongly worded coffee:

"If you give me everything, you're giving me
Nothing. Which one, seriously, would you tap
When you've had three bites of the apple
And your salvage is still scrap?"

So I went the hard yards with Mizuho
But he saw on one of my Stanleys
That I was a Hoosier too
But Modelo, by the end of the work day,
Stood with Mexico like a good friend
Who knows how to look the other way.

But I can't unsee
How Pot Hueneme's no longer a destination,
How North Sea Copenhagen tops the Big Mac Index,
How inflection points create shifts create
Moments,
Like the College Cardinal now coincidently on TV
Vaping angrily.

Finally the white wolf meets me at the train
To hit the antique fair under the freeway
With the rastafari razorwires who have ears
On the sitch. Whenever mirrors are replaced 
With plywood, it's a bad sign. 

I come home to find
Even the cursory scan has been streamlined
To remove more friction
Between reader and word
But I'm so blissed off I can't even chase
The blue jellyfish feather.

Sunday, December 1, 2024

Sunday on the Pier With and Without Memories

The shame tango is so hard to stop
When it's just me now doing the reps.
The other has gone off to Valhalla
Where she imagines thunderbolts raining
Like flowers on my subservient head.

But I got two dogs on my leash to her zero.
Life for her is a struggle for breath, expended
Honking orders specifically so
The recipient can never get it right
And must beg humbly for forgiveness to

All the terror her condition has unloaded
On her sublimely unmedicated self.
I must go, to the la la land of compassion
Where all souls are lovely, and no gesture stands
As an attempt sent back to truly love.

She closed the deal for her children.
I made my pact with the muse.
It always is for me some final stand
Against silence, but my voice should recall
How to breathe before it would shout. 

It's hard to begin again 
When endings are so painful, 
Where the truth it is an ending
Releases its wool from eyes 
Unaccustomed to this light 

On the Huntington Beach pier, all its glories 
Arranged for me, and me alone, now.
The world of couples stares at my star shades
In gratitude, not envy, for I have
Forged the fire as I was burned alive in it.

And now I am free, because I choose to be,
Choose a troubadour's solitude once more.
A boy with guitar and the gift sings on the pier
For dollars, of deepest pain
Only as a feeling of peace.

Sunday, June 30, 2024

Stonewall

It takes a village of idiots
     flipped like tiddlywinks
But at 96 June degrees
     uncooled dignity
However arch,
     however cruel the blues —

And the lilac revolution
     took sides at last
On its way to today's
     rainbow hues.
What stone walls could be
     walked through,

All of them inside.
     For the people were not real,
So we didn't know there was
     a not us. We can't let in 
The colors unless
     they say they exist.

The thread of gratitude
     that prismatically
Folds through the lies,
     abuse, bondage
For refusing to stand
     for something in this world

Frays on days like these,
     shame sold for parts
Must end, so one must be
     grateful for the pain
Enough to stand, because it's real
     suffering,

To stand opposed, to see clearly,
     to be forced
To see oneself, like a forced
     holiday from other people
On a humid day in June
     where thirsts cannot be slaked.

The thought of rising above
     like the vapor
Escapes, seems impossible,
     being harmed
And taking action, as if it was
     a neutral move

That would not make cops wince
    50 years later
When told they couldn't walk 
    in their blues
At the citizen's local 
     rainbow parade.

It takes honesty to know
     the people you love
Have lied to you
     and strength
To still be grateful ...
     for what is no longer

Seen and known, a newly minted
     variant of freedom.
You want to take the wheel
     but sometimes 
You have to leap
     outside the vehicle

To not be in the death seat
     with a rear-view mirror.
But the game allows
     a tuck and roll,
To pry oneself of the comfort
    of others, 

The crash-test dummies
     you rely on, 
Like those fags at the bar
     waiting to be caught,
Prepared to squeal,
     programmed to scatter. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Lunch Chat

In Avignon 
When the mistral came
And the city flocked
To the gift shop
Of L'Eglise de St.-Agricol 
The nuns shooed away
Like oxen
With censers 
Any visitors
Including our heroine
And Kiwi mother
Who traveled together
Mother and Daughter
The World
In hostels
And were then getting drenched 
By an end of the world fury,
Only to learn they had to buy
Something to be saved.
The rest is confusing.
I find myself on hair pin
Turning
Switchbacks in the Blue Ridge
In December Smokie blackness.
I prayed
There would be someplace
To stop.

Saturday, May 25, 2024

The Shell Beach Sign

We've waited so long just to tell the truth but
The time for it has passed.

Mark it up to the humans
Who yearn to be as lazy as the animals,
So beset by the flaws of others
Brilliant in their eyes
They take a pick to the bevel,
Try to chisel inclusions in the crystal.

But there are no cries of pain there,
What you feel must go unfelt.

It is you who cries for you — the rest are
Chorus
To match you whine for sigh
But they are what you have become
As you've lost all you had of your life

Like an old sailor on a pier with a Ferris wheel,
Whose entire frame of reference is what happened there.

Everything else was an idea
That led back to this, now nothing
But a blue horizon,
All he ever was.

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

After the Addendum

"La plus commune façon d'amollir les coeurs de ceux qu'on a offensez, lors qu'ayant la vengeance en main, ils nous tiennent à leur mercy, c'est de les esmouvoir par submission à commiseration et à pitié. Toutesfois la braverie, et la constance, moyens tous contraires, ont quelquefois servi à ce mesme effect." - Michel de Montaigne

So I tolerate the intolerable
Because compassion cuts off wisdom
Whenever two lanes merge to one.
That's just science. What irks
Is this belief I could exist outside of it,
That, when the smoke rose, and the pawns
Were left on the board, it would be
Like I'd been there. Even those who try
To disappear need external validation, I hold
As I bear that last candle over the threshold
Not to see, but to know it won't go out
After the million lips have mistaken its flame
For an invitation to darkness.

There's too much light, until there is no more,
As truth must fold completely into lie
For what just happened to be revealed,
As curtain opened on an empty stage --
It's what's best for the patrons, they say,
When it's the actor himself
Who demanded the chairs be empty
For the performance of his life,
Only then to know that everything he did
Deserved applause.

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

The Band Aid Can on the Yacht

The empty must be rusted,
Just a slant of light let through 
This plexiglass opaque curtain
— Once people suffered here, on some
Lint-lunged, mangle-handled contraption 
To make fashion affordable to the masses
Long extinguished in the current rages
That's long since blown through now,
Home to feral cats and all that keeps them
Alive in the dark, with ever-vigilant eyes.

It could not become a parking lot
Or boredom-making office park
Like the other would-be Pinocchios—
It must stay free of all ennui ...

The wait is inexorable 
For enough to be forgotten
To raze the rafters down
In hopes we will remember
What haunts us like the China in the shed.

Thursday, March 28, 2024

Maundy Thursday at the Avenue A Swimming Pool in Saskatoon

Jones and Nyro approached lyrics from the standpoint
                         of the streets
As overheard by the ghost captain of riverboat sails,
                         which spooked her,
And the choir seemed somehow to offer food,
                         quite confusing
                                                   for a cool cat
This mission burning down thing, in the southern wing
                         of confederate rock n roll history,
Wee hee hee hee sal on the other hand
                         of the white white boy's school
                                                   would be catnip
To go on a tightrope with impeccable poise
                                 like the ghost in our catnap.

She bailed at Monterey, thought herself too fat,
       didn't perform again until 1971, but she did,
Holy shit, Poverty Train, to half of America's high schoolers
      in their CIA-sponsored communal acid bath.
Clearly the hippies were not ready 
                          for a blue ray starseed
Who needed, at 19 years old, a 7th dimension to cover her songs! 
Who could twirl every carnival wheel within wheel til it popped,
      like a Russian savant reassembles a clock,
               refusing to settle for the real to feel
                          or any better place than dismal bliss,
                                        refusing to accept any fear in fact
      at the Stoney End of all sin-based redemptions
               that prophecy a different morning,
Who admitted to every conceivable sin in her songs
               yet each one was a mystical prayer
                         in the shadow that all light reaches for,
                                         the lunar nigro,
                         for art is in those shadows,
The eclipse observed thus pulled into creation.
                         The Spanish call it duende.
                                         We call it the blues.

There's that point where time and space are violated
                                         and cease to be.
Time stops and space dissolves to one point
                                         of eternal consciousness
                                                        mind goes on
       in Bach's Heisenberg uncertainty variations
                                          in the eternity ward
                          until a question comes again
To ground me into time and space, from an eagle,
      who says it is the only one:
                          are you free or enslaved?
Poison, it appears, is not written in the stars,
                          Blue Orpheus was ...
The choice is always ours
       to attach or not,
                        as a regular ritual
                                         like [fill in the blank].

Saturday, February 3, 2024

1940

It's come to this, the zero degree
Where all urge of surrender has ceased,
The frozen moment, where leopards
Merely stare. There is a war somewhere.
You can hear it on the military bands.
But the war in here, does not give in
Its thaw. One waits coldly for a word
That is law.

                    Ah, but it was only story time
On that crackling pipe, all the ships to sea
A pale moonlit reflection of the words
I bore each day, of traumatizing fathers,
Zealot moms, cigarettes packed too tight
And an acid point of view on negroes, jews, jews.
Everyone could see it, no one did a thing,
At the Ashkenazi warlords command,
     Per the sane one knowing bravery
And the power of the radio
To garble.

                                  There's gold in Nome
And radar towers.
       And men who go on ships to quiet die
                      Smoking Santa Claus cigars
And bearing Jimmy Cagney to the skies,
Where they fly, regardless
Of life and death,
                                Mere adjustments in the dial,
The game of chess whose master
In Antarctica always wins.
The ice is too thick for human hearts
That burn for any shore.

                       Even the sane one fell victim.
Condemned as insane he went within, silent
As a radio at the thought he only took a hill
In his heart, where all that matters flows.

Thursday, October 20, 2022

The Anachronism of Place Names

The rats are on the beach,
Mayonnaise in the bottle,
The hills of San Berdu
Another Golgotha

For Christs to pop like mushrooms
And pimple the rolling lavender
Where sacrifice is sold
For the sake of the Romans

Where all roads end,
At the Vatican Library specifically,
Where the books of truth are held
Against their will,

Sequestered from the world,
The copies destroyed, fake records left
In their wake like mosquito dander
After the blood is taken

To seal a precious few
Of the too, too many holes
In non-existent history,
Where themes would otherwise skirt away

From the story made for applause
Not accuracy,
To cordon off, in this case, the heady days
Of rebellion into surrender

Evangelicized as the good news
Of military conquest, as when Titus had
The zealots his followers killed fished out
Of the Galilee, for example.

The salt of lizards we long for so much
Turns out worthless, a pestilence,
A yeasty scent, though nothing else
Can compensate the victims, us.

Thursday, October 13, 2022

Reunion Tour

Nobody could ply the funk like Josephus,
The way the bass line
Aligned with clipping-nipple guitar,
It slayed them all, the lions
In the dance halls of Rhodesia
And the Roman amphitheater circuit
From Syracuse to Biscayne Bay.

The surrender of the flames
Occurred most every day
When the beat had rested
To let the mess convey:
Turn the butt cheek over as
The beat of the heart enlarges
And overcomes your own.

The sacrifice of Sonny and his beatnik disciples 
To the electrical equipment,
The stellar crosses and stars,
Saved your day, as you recited
The lyrics as real and incoherent
As being hit by a car
With someone else's journey

That seems to stop 
At the same beery dives 
As your own does, 
But it never really 
Stops, that is, for you,
Groupie to its nurture
Of harmony.

The blessed testimonies
Are pre-realed 
For the delayed
Tape hiss effect
It has upon us:
The wanton dancing,
Exhausted hands

Giving it up,
Our lives,
For encores
That will echo like amplifiers
50 years on,
As if to save the messiah 
And his headband benediction,

His salve of sequestered nickels thrown 
At his blistered scribes by some force unknown, 
Only the goombahs and the hangers on,
The martyred skeptics
And viper dreams on
The other side,
All one and the same

In maintaining it existed, the way,
The hope, the glory, in giving over
Your heart, your soul, your body
To what is not you and never would be,
A few notes strung together
Are pearls to web your cell
With what, someday, might be

The prison to which you will graduate,
With golden bars and unbreakable locks,
At the high end of eternity
To keep you safe like artillery 
Pointed your way, just in case 
You've remembered
You are free.

Sunday, October 9, 2022

Another Anything Goes Friday

Memories at daybreak
Are a calling cup
Filled with the dusty pulp
Of knowing
And yet, enlarged, not,

A glorious salve
To smooth out the proceedings 
Where the loop just keeps repeating
Our ship cabin stay where
The Flintstones played 24/7

And forgeries hung on the walls
To make us happy
At all the sadnesses of life
In red and gold
And savage silver

As if all that glitters
Is not paper
And won't burn
In the rectory
Where lamps are turned

To inspect with prayer
What isn't there,
The mobius of opportunity
Morphed into the common weasel 
Rasping after every final bite.

So the fashion models
Like all things pass,
Even this moment
Where the earth is just a runway
For the many worlds to playact

Untold ancient themes
With endless stellar races,
Like South Park said,
Protected under the veil 
Of skeptic,

The impressionable child
Who never had the chance to wish
That what obsessed her head was as much 
As a branch of the brush underneath,
A sprig of grass ... er, weed. 

Saturday, September 17, 2022

On the Fringe of the 5125

What do you know
     about the old poems?
That they flowed like lochs
     and glowed like candles
And told of what is now sand
     and what can be recovered
At some uncertain return of wisdom?

The blue ones remember
     but aren't telling --
The light observes
     to be observed.

Friday, August 19, 2022

Moments In and Out of Context

A row of skin trees
  by the Crystal Cathedral ...
I am here now
  but it is a now
Like a snifter of liqueur 
  that I handle and sift
And sip at my leisure,
  in this summer of basil

When we contemplate love
  as the end of time 
In the great ladle
  in the sky
That tells us
  where the time went
And how it was a myth
  anyway. 

California pours out
  in filtered light,
Obsolescent mermaid queen
  of the realm of gold
Seeking. The new Chronos,
  Rock and Roll,
Signs as time while a Volkswagen
  Thing rolls by.

Friday, March 11, 2022

The Weakening Week, On Fleek

Winter doesn't know what to do with itself 
As it stumbles along the dunes
And moves the volleyballs from reaching hands.

The waves, too, seem intent
On disregarding its pleas,
Save a beard of Father Time
Dissolving listlessly.

Every record is a history
That cannot overcome the buds of spring.
The vehicles are spinning now,
There's no hope we will learn,

By which we mean remember.

Monday, January 17, 2022

Of Begging Indulgences for the Self

I’m going out of the forgiveness business —
Everything must go:
Each elbow to the ribs,
All tourniquets to imagined stabs.

The innocent were conscientious
In taking over what I had:
The urge to change what didn’t work for me,
The white pattern's lone black frequency.

It was something that I said
And only heard in different words;
The sharpened swords are always contending,
Always only defending.

I made the choice to lift and hold the blade,
For that was the rule taught in grammar school,
Don’t raise your brow unless prepared to freeze
Like a statue, scaring ghosts and new issue.

“At ease,” the General says,
But the Corporal chafes beneath the weight
Of what is nothing
But must be seen as Atlas-ean,

The cowardly as brave,
The temporary as permanent,
The wound as something to cover the globe
In emergency red,

Which is true at least to the feeling
Of not being forgiven
By the one who drew blood at the dance,
The steps so quick and complicated

And so far away in time and space
There is only the memory now of the hole ...
There was always someone in the way of atonement,
An extension of my intention that strayed

Into a distant, beating heart unswayed
And impossible to reach, except to say, to myself,
“Let them be, they did not know what to do
About me, for I hardly crossed at their light.”

I was hurt because the laws said I should be
And cultivated my animosity so I could barter
My forgiveness to return back to the cell
Where I left the straw suit and coconut head in the bed.

They were creatures of the environment
Who nosed me out of that cramped, dark space,
What I would have seen as a gift were it not
For the other creatures I’d fantasized in their place.

And the ones who knew me well enough to steal
A ribbon of my soul, how I wanted them to stay
For a moment, share some strong, bitter tea
On their way to the getaway car.

And you, the big Kahuna, who waved a mirror
In front of my face as you pilfered the furniture,
All the blame reflects even now on myself
And the battered old scarecrow, Absentia, mere straw.

I perform ablution on it all, in one fell swoop,
One mighty flood of tears, wherever it is needed,
Some dark spot in the whole where you and I,
The thing we did together, suffered.

Or is it all one, the same, absolution?
For the courage to live and not to know,
The shame accruing like spores
To the raw and ever-exfoliated forest?

This will all get clarified
When the grades are handed out
At the life review, and everyone will laugh
How they really knew

And said “yes” to what they never wanted
And “no” to what they didn't understand
And were saddled with something real after all
To slough off, some shade of yellow or such,

Some evidence still fresh
That they were here
Despite all the evidence
To the contrary.

Tuesday, December 28, 2021

After the Fever Dreams

The past has no weight anymore,
Its signature scanned by ocular blades
And it's as buoyant as
A dandelion stalk
Waving the seeds it carries
That will yield nothing of its grief.

The birds here remember something,
Their voices betray that much,
But what it is is loose and flows
To the needs of the moment,
Unlike me, where the scents the past blows in
Reform to crystals of loss within,

My regrets the better part, as it were, of my pride.
I need the hoarders squad to empty my brain
Of sacred, saved contaminants 
So that their all-important vapors
Can finally float to the sky
And these words can be a miracle.