Thursday, June 2, 2011

Invitations from the Critical Voice

In Summer darkness funeral black commuters    pretend that I'm OK
have lost their souls like car keys     pretend that they're my friend
squint at lights they cannot see      everyone pretends that I’m fine
lights they don’t believe are really there     when they’re worried
but follow anyway      deeply worried for they think I’m defective
and there’s one man of course one man talking     they laugh at me
who says those things      they resent me they hate the fact I exist
those ignorant horrible things     they would kill me and that’s OK
such poisonous thoughts      it may be too late I’ve waited too long
he must be stopped from speaking    to get myself fixed I have no
he shouldn't be allowed to read the newspaper    I have no voice
I know his type    leave me the fuck alone I don’t want to have to
look at all of them listening in    say no no no and feel ashamed
I know their type    I want to kill you in my mind let me be invisible
they like Chinese food but they don’t like to sweat    leave me
they don’t do home improvement but do paper bag tests    don’t
they fetishize the margins as they prostitute to power     leave me
the type who wants to force the metric system on us     alone
or to worship the fairytale free market     I need a slap to feel alive
or think the HAARP waves won’t affect their guns     leave me alone
look at the woman scoffing and blaming, scoffing and blaming    to die
every day another opportunity to scoff and blame    I won’t take much
why can’t we get along we all are one why can’t you just chill?    space
why can’t that boy     why do they waste time on someone who can’t
who looks like I did at that age     offer a return on their investment?
cut his hair and wipe that sophomore grin?    how can they be so kind
can’t he keep his head away from that girl?      to someone who is dying?
will this train EVER leave it’s the 3rd day this week?     I’m terrified
I can’t afford to be late    maybe they will find out I’m a fraud? take
I must get to work now     how much was I born owing? take take
to pony up another idea     how exactly do I pay them back? take
that maybe just might work this time     I can’t live inside the woods
Jesus Christ what’s taking this train so long?    something evil in me
what’s that kid selling? is his grifting people’s money?    maybe he will say
in passing while popping gum    the things I’m afraid to say to myself
so disgusting his dumb luck his undeserved abundance    I’m a waste
I’m not going to town for fun    I don’t want to ever leave my house
I’m not doing this for my health    to make me penniless that much faster
it’s not like I get what I want EVER     my almost nothing is too much
does anyone here have a clue?     no one ever has to see me breathing
does this line end? am I here all alone?     I don’t deserve abundance
is there a punchline to this joke?   I want to burrow like a worm in dirt