My life is not my own;
It's for other people,
But not necessarily
The same other people
I want it to be for:
The hangdog losers, not
The soupkitchen victims;
The lords of my time,
Not the elusive fool
I chase down like leaves for amusement.
I whine but
I’ll think what I’m told to,
Be guilted into carrying
Some overindulged brat’s shit
As if it was luggage – and I was a porter.
Still, summer and its fire
Never quite softens
Enough to feel good
About the hand on the back
Of the neck pushing forward
As the future fills up
With requests and to-do’s
From increasingly shadowy figures
And my only question is what
Would be the cost in walking away?
But the ones I seek, those neglected
Innocents carved out of sunshine,
Won’t meet the light in my eyes half-way
Unless I’ve attended to the others first:
The deceivers, the demanders, the vampiric.
The sprites always float a few inches away,
Whispering “Please don’t ruin the illusion
For them,” for it’s been a long time growing
In the darkness of their soil
And the tears dropped down in love.
“How is it service
If they deserve it?” They ask, "And
Why do you quibble with father time,
Who bends and stretches you
Like a white summer suit?”
They are amused
I have forgotten
That soon I will wander the cool
Streets again all alone
Looking for any companion.
“You get what you get
When you get it.” The words
Burn, as they peel back any
Illusion that I am what I am
And can be what I’ll be …
So into the dark comes the shards of light,
But I only resent them because
I want to keep sleeping, free
Of doubt, bound by timelessness,
So easily merged into others,
Instead of having to carry
The simplest truth
Like a new-born chick
Through the enmity
Of enemy territory,
And having to hear
How loudly someone can
Claim to be me
In a blur of red-brass rims
And tattooed head,
Thus to be judged by myself
Though perfection streams
Through every pore,
Forced to admit I can’t predict
What I know ...
Anger is the inkling
That this scenester here
Instead of being conveniently
Needy and defeated
Is actually a God.
