Art Abandoned by the Roadside...

Thinking of C as the Artist

The ever-shifting masquerade
Of connection and abandonment,
The home that always disappears,
The self that never comes;
So you wait for enough
Wind in the hot breath of others
To alight in a place
Where nothing can move you,
From where you can choose
At any moment, to fly,
To try to be as lonely
As an eagle
Above the beaten hearts,
Hiding in the sky.

But places commandeer you,
Positions to assume,
To observe reflections from the ground
Like a womb to serve you
From its blackness
Something all your own.
You've left yourself alone
To self-possession
When there's nothing to possess,
Just a memory protected
Waiting, patient, to be blessed
And made again as nothing
—No punishing
No cunning
No sad expression of loss
No smile
At being recognized
By a stranger.

All of this you already know
But what you know is not what matters
It's how you misstep on the ground
Through the hat dance
Mangling every move
After you'd promised all the angels you'd get it right
And when the tuba stops,
And the smiles are still the same,
You really are no different
Save, maybe, in the wine and winding,
You've realized that mastering your passion
Is not tamping it,
But releasing it, as light releases
To enlightenment
To see all your strength collapse to vulnerability
Like a baby learning to walk
For there is no one here who needs you,
The Gods are all ajar,
It all comes back to touching
The rock of all you are
That withstood the Gods abandoning it,
That endured those who came without invitation,
That stayed only to find wisdom,

To learn to let its cry go unheard
For even its cry would disturb
The at-one-ment,
The homeward return
Without feeling,
It's been left with a laugh
Like a windswept ribbon
Snagged in creosote.

The desert is my woman,
It takes up all my time,
It leaves its wisdom everywhere
Hidden to be found,
It whispers at my words of love
The poems from my eyes,
And sends the sun to match my wholeness,
The wind to slake my skin,
To tell me what is human,
To let me know I’m safe.
While I, the spirit, a still eye,
Learn to let pass
Its yearning
Into mind.