Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Stoner Olympics

With Michael Phelps putting Baltimore bong hits on the map and Jamaica dominating something other than bobsledding, it's high time we lit the torch for the Stoner Olympics, as a high-minded alternative for the athletes who, to be blunt, are excluded from the Jock Olympics. Call it the Swag Olympiad, keeping it real by featuring those games of prowess and endurance favored by the organic peoples of this earth. Here are some of the events:

Laser Tag
Hacky Sack
Whiffle Ball
Boogie Boarding
Donut Eating
Surfing (Body and Channel)
Skateboard (Office Park, Pool, Downhill, Off-Road)
Golf (Miniature and Disc)
Chicken Fighting
Quarry Diving
PBR Beer Pong
Dominoes (Pizza Delivering)
Synchronized Liquid Motion Toys
Jumping off Roofs
Cannonball Splashing
Call-Your-Own-Foul Streetball
Guitar Hero
Innertube Floating
Swing Jumping
Competitive Firecrackers
Drum Circle Spin Dancing
Neon Bowling
Popping Wheelies
Underwater Breath Holding
Yoo Hoo Chug'a'Lug
Velcro Tennis
Hammock Rodeo
Water Balloon Dodgeball
Construction Site Vandalism
Competitive Tagging
Ultimate Frisbee
Cheese Curl Marathon
Suicide Shopping Cart Slalom
Free-Style Paintball

1 comment:

the walking man said...

Hammock--All hammock no rodeo--sure gold here.

Doesn't anybody play Olympic Euchre?