Meanwhile in Sports News...

After a nittany of complaints, they conducted an internal pen-state-citation, full of righteous pen-state-nation, as homogenized and paternoized as cheese. But in the state pen, Paterno familias was well culp-pen-stated for turning pen-state’s evidence and the penn-i-tence for com-penn-state-utory rape was three in nomino paterno et filii et spiritus sanduskus'es, a Paternohouse stake, some Paternobello mushrooms, some paternio furniture, and no more playing of paternotudes like “Sacre de Paternotemps” by Igor Sandinsky at home games. In Happy Valley this was deemed too very sterndusky of a pennishment, too paternoid, there was not enough pennestation to de-penn-state all these statues, but most saw a patterno in these paternoty suits, a suspicious paternolineal paternomonial paternoarchically paternocidal and paternogenic paternophilia from paternos in crime. They wanted them paterno’ed down. Are there no paternohouses no prisons? they cried. Is paternoism the last refuge of the paternoist?