On A Personal Note

Saddlewood Lane, Charlotte, NC

All things become so large
they are nothing...

These trees, so total
in their grandeur,
obscure the sun
and the rest of the world
from this house.

Even the Nocturnes by Chopin
finish revealing
and turn back to inscrutable
mysteries.

The boy who hears the voices
in the air
listens to no one, cannot be
heard above the roar
of his own silence.

What help can be given for this,
for what we see
that we cannot see
in ourselves?

What relief can be offered
to those in pain
when they no longer can
feel the pain?

The night remembers
all of these secrets
and holds them in a glow
of laughter and forgiving.

But all is forgotten
in the morning,
as simple things are held
in radiance,

choices must have
a purpose,
the trees that whirred at night
by day like bacon sizzle.

The tolerance dim light affords
is shattered
by a stark need
to understand—

as if understanding could
change a thing
besides a sharpening of what
might have been
if decisions had been made
and not just felt.

Consequence imbues the jagged contours,
makes them shine,
but still the dropping branches
only twitter and align.

What growth is going on is not
apparent 'til much later,
still we feel some obligation
to be right, now,

to be tied in with the fine
discriminations,
the eternal disciplines,
the duties clear and elemental.

It all falls away again, to what
the dream has left behind,
the anxiety of honors not
given, points not
proven, things not done,

a childhood spent in play
was lost in waiting
for what could replace the play
with meaning,

a life well-lived as something
requiring agreement,
where things that are right for one
are right for all,

where one can find a face to hide the fear,
not lead to where the fear goes,
we call that purpose, service,
the model life,

while all around us
people break,
receive as many chances
as it takes,

keep on learning, never get it, live
within a space that no one sees—
not giving or taking,
not thinking about others or oneself,

but still they work at love,
as once they grabbed
enormous keys
left hanging from a basinet.